Violet's Birth Story

I reference my first child’s birth frequently in this story. If you want to read that one first, you can find it here.

I have very few talents. One of them is birthing babies relatively quickly, and another is making a long, rambling stories out of very quick events. With that in mind, feel free to read on.

My husband and I were so prepared to recreate the beginning of Charlotte‘s birth story to get our second labor going and give this baby their September 10th, full moon birthday. We knew that wasn’t how it works, but we were still hoping. We made a reservation at Pasta Moon on 9/9, which was the due date I had calculated for myself, even though we had 9/12 in my chart.  We had gone to Pasta Moon on Charlotte’s due date, and labor kicked off that night. It would be a fun story if it worked again, AND had another 40+1 birth, AND had a full moon baby, AND had another family birthday on the 10th of the month. 

We had our dinner out, and we also had sex that night after Charlotte went to bed. After all, that was part of our story last time too ;). I did start feeling some low belly cramps, and thought, “this might actually be working!” Of course, things ended up fizzling out and it wasn’t baby time. 

Sometimes it doesn’t even matter what you know intellectually about how things work, especially in the days after the EDD passes. I had seen it so many times before as a doula, but it started to feel like it was going to be a long time before this baby would arrive, and that we might have to do something to make labor start 😆 We discussed which “natural induction” methods we were willing to do and when. These discussions took place over the weekend, when we weren’t even really past our due date yet. 

Our charted due date arrived, and also felt like an acceptable birthday. It also passed, and we waited. It’s funny looking back thinking that it was taking forever. The evening after the EDD, we decided to try having sex and figured we could at least have some fun, even if it didn’t “work” to get labor going. I did start to feel crampy, but wasn’t going to get too excited. At 11:30 or midnight,  I decided to try to lay down and get some sleep, even though I suspected things might pick up. Cramps were becoming more distinct, but not particularly painful. I did do some breathing through, and they were about five minutes apart and lasting a minute. I wasn’t sleeping, and was starting to realize this was going to be it.

I knew that I should be contacting Michelle (my midwife). We had had many conversations about letting her know as soon as ANYTHING was happening, because she’d rather be early than miss it. With Charlotte’s birth, my body started involuntarily pushing when I first called Michelle, so my midwife’s position was understandable. And we knew I was unlikely to have a two hour pushing window for everyone to get there like last time. With this second labor, I was timing contractions, not quite believing it was time, and kept thinking to myself, “I’ll get up and call Michelle on the next one.” I started to feel something a little different, so I called her (I think at 12:48?). I let her know that it wasn’t imminent, but that things were happening and I’d like her to come. She knows me well and got moving quickly. I’m sure she knew she was in for a mad dash.

I still waited a little longer to call the rest of my team: Jordan, my dear friend, to come to be Charlotte’s companion (and to hopefully paint an amazing picture of home birth for her upcoming birth); Nicole, our doula; and Robin, our photographer. All of these women had personally experienced very quick labors, but apparently I wanted to really push things. I also started my COVID test so that we could all feel comfortable being maskless at my birth.

As I waited for people to arrive, I was having a pretty internal experience, realizing I wasn’t in a huge amount of pain, but was feeling more pressure. I went pee and felt a strange sense of bulging when I wiped. I didn’t feel like baby’s head was right there, but it felt weird. I turns out that when I’m in labor, I always forget about the bag of waters, haha. Just after 1:00am, I felt like I wanted to sit down on the ball, so I set it up behind the couch so I could lean forward on the couch and rest.

During this whole time, my husband James was being his wonderful self and supporting me, as well as making sure all the logistics were in place. Did we call everyone? Was the front door unlocked? Were supplies in place? He did so much in the background while I did the work that I could do. At some point, he took his COVID test as well.

Charlotte, who had turned three the previous month, was still in her bedroom. She woke up at some point, but stayed in bed, quietly listening.

I probably only had a couple of minutes on the birth ball when I felt a LOT of pressure. I needed to stand up. With a contraction, it felt almost like a head came part way out and then went back in. It was a wild experience. It also wasn’t a head. With the next contraction (1:21, I believe), my bag of waters burst open, drenching the ball and the floor. I knew that baby was really coming soon. I yelled at James that my water broke. I was less than ten feet to the entrance of our bedroom (where we planned for the birth to happen), but it felt SO far away. I didn’t feel safe walking on the wet floor, so I got down on my hands and knees and crawled the few feet to the rug in our living room. (Was I a dog who had to find the soft place to make a mess, or just looking for a soft place to land? ;) ) I yelled to James to bring towels. I might as well have been in a sitcom. He brought towels, but also got Michelle on speaker phone. She was driving in from the city, and was letting us know where she was, and asking pertinent questions. The pressure was strong, and this baby was coming. She could hear my involuntary pushing, and we could hear her giving her location: just got off the freeway. Going through stop signs. ETA 3 min.

I knew Michelle was almost there, and I knew it was a race: who would arrive first- the midwife or the baby? I knew there wasn’t anything I could do to affect the outcome. The baby’s head began to emerge, and after a contraction, decided to hang out just to the ears. I was on hands and knees, and once again greeted Michelle with my bare bum, plus a little extra. Michelle arrived mask on, gloves off  (1:31). It didn’t seem there would be time to put any gloves on. We all assumed baby would be out with the next contraction, but just the head came. I called to James to take a video, as this was something I was hoping for this time around. The next contraction came, and I was prepared for baby to slide out like good second time babies do. Yes, I always have to laugh at myself looking back. It was only a couple of minutes, but it felt like a long time, and a LOT more effort than I was expecting. It was super intense, but our baby finally (after two minutes) came all the way out (1:34am). Michelle got James to come over and help catch (that’s where the video ends). I took a breather, and then they helped pass my baby through my legs. I found myself saying, “come here, baby girl,” and then checking myself because we didn’t know the sex. But I looked, and yes, our baby had a vulva.  

Our second midwife, Sue, must have arrived right at that moment, because she took photos of me holding Violet that are timestamped 1:35am. The midwives got me to lay down on the living room floor, stacked some pillows behind me, and I held Violet underneath the Happy Birthday banner that we had left up on the mantle since Charlotte’s birthday the month before.

James asked Charlotte if she wanted to meet her baby sister, and she was excited to come out and see her. She was wearing her lion pajamas and her star mask, and was just the absolute sweetest.

The timeline of everything else is a bit fuzzy: our photographer arrived, and so did Jordan. Michelle’s student midwife Maria also arrived. It turned out that in a fluke, our doula Nicole hadn’t gotten my calls until later and felt awful. But it worked out so beautifully, because I had the support I needed for the birth and the immediate postpartum, and Nicole came later in the day and supported us in so many ways, anticipating our needs perfectly.

While I was laying on the floor, propped up on pillows, hardly believing what had just happened, I heard some commotion about changing masks and James came close and I realized he was wearing one of Michelle’s green N95 masks. I felt a little alarmed and asked if my test came back positive. It turned out mine had been negative, but his came back positive. I couldn’t believe it. We had made it 2.5 years without COVID, and now we had a minutes-old baby and had a positive test? I started to imagine what that would mean for our early postpartum period, and tears came to my eyes. He ended up taking several more tests and they were all negative, so we figured he was fine and it was a false positive. He got a PCR later in the day, and it was also negative, but that was not a fun way to start things off. Because of the speed of the labor, and the uncertainty around the results, the rest of my team remained masked, which was a bummer.

My team helped me and Violet to the bedroom, where we got to be a little more comfortable and could work on latching and bonding. Charlotte got to spend some time checking out our new baby and was so sweet, touching Violet’s hands and encouraging me to do the same. She brought her baby doll to the bed as well.

Someone made us scrambled eggs and toast with avocado. James, Charlotte, and I ate in our bed just as we had when Charlotte was born. It’s always nice to have someone else cook for you, but this felt like the most amazing care we could possibly have, and it was such a cool moment for our new little family of four to experience together.

We got lots of photos, both posed and candid. We were able to get photos of Violet attached to her placenta, which we had forgotten to do with Charlotte. In the 5:00 hour, Charlotte and James cut Violet’s umbilical cord, and we did the newborn exam. Violet was wonderful, though she did have a severe tongue tie (which we ended up having released when she was 30 hours old). She also had a low forehead temp, even though she was doing fine. She wore a hat for a bit, and was fine later in the day.

It was wild how the hours flew by. The midwives stayed for a long time, and left in the 8:00 hour. Poor Charlotte had been up since 1:00, and finally conked out. We all napped for a bit before “starting” our day again in a couple of hours.

TL;DR:

11:30pm: Cramping

12:30am: Contractions 5 mins apart, I should probably call

12:48am: call Michelle

1:21am: Rupture of Membranes

1:31am: Michelle arrives, head part way out

1:34am: Violet is born

 Photos by Robin Weir (Robin Weir Photography)

Postpartum Meals

There seem to be so many things to do to prepare for baby, and so many decisions involved! For your baby, the only items you really NEED at the beginning are diapers and a place for the baby to sleep (and a way to feed them if you’re not feeding them from your body).

But one of the many things you can do to prepare for life with a new baby is to make sure the adults (and other children if there are any) in the home will be fed! Life with a newborn has some wonderful aspects, and some challenging ones. Many first-time parents are surprised at what a day can look like in those first few weeks, and that some of the most basic aspects of your day become complicated or elusive. Getting food into your home, and then into your mouth, can be really challenging. The birthing parent needs to be well-nourished, as their body is healing from the major event of birth. If a parent is breast/chestfeeding, nourishment is absolutely essential for supply. This is something to prepare for ahead of time! You have a lot of options, and I suggest using multiple strategies, and engaging friends and family to help you out if possible.

DIY:

If you love to cook (or just want to be in control of what meals you have), prepare some meals ahead of time, and freeze them! You can do this by doubling up whatever you’re making for dinner and freezing half, if you want to save time. If you have the resources and the space, an additional freezer and a vacuum sealer are really nice to have. One year for Valentine’s Day, I gave my husband a FoodSaver as kind of a joke, but it’s been an awesome addition to our kitchen (and a great way to deliver meals to other families who have had babies, too!). I just recommend that you cool your food in a non-plastic container before vacuum-sealing so that the plastic of the bags doesn’t leach into the food.

Don’t know what to prepare? There are many lists of recipes that work well being frozen and reheated, but be sure to check out Lily Nichol’s Postpartum Recovery Meals blog post for great nutrient-dense options best for healing. Her book, Real Food For Pregnancy is one of my favorites for pregnancy/postpartum, and has an entire chapter on postpartum nutrition. It is chock full of evidence, as well as ancestral wisdom.

Get others to cook for you if they are local:

There are multiple websites that can help you digitize the age-old Meal Train (such as this one). Friends and family can sign up for a specific day and say what they will bring, so you can have a sense for when your meals will be taken care of. You can specify any dietary restrictions/preferences and time of day you’d like food to be delivered. As long as you’ve got an email list, you can give the task of creating a meal train to a trusted friend!

Meal Delivery Services

We’ve all become very familiar with having food delivered to our homes from restaurants. This is of course an option, but ordering out every night might not be the best nutritionally, environmentally, or financially (though it’s great in a pinch!). There are services that deliver multiple ready-made, delicious, and nutrient-dense meals that were cooked fresh and delivered frozen. If you have family and friends who live far from you, but want to contribute, they can absolutely contribute to these sorts of services. Don’t be shy to add these to your registry!

My Top Choices for Real Food Delivery Services

Balanced Bites* meals are individually packaged healthy meals that are cooked fresh, then frozen, and shipped to you in boxes of ten. They have keto and paleo options, but you don’t have to be on a certain diet to enjoy them. My family has Balanced Bites meals stocked in the freezer at all times as a quick and healthy option for lunches or when we don’t feel like cooking. The portions are really generous, and they are so easy! This is a small, woman-owned and -run business based in San Francisco, but meals ship anywhere in the US.

*Affiliate link that gets you $10 off your first purchase.

Kitchen Doula is a small business based in Oakland, CA and delivers all around the San Francisco Bay Area. They make meals and other food goodies that are especially good for healing, and they prioritize organic and local produce and use pastured/grass-fed meats. Perishable food arrives frozen, so you can take food out and heat as needed. After our daughter was born, a friend gifted us a package that included soups, stews, energy balls, and other goodies that kept us fed for many meals and snacks. It was wonderful!

Nourish is a small business that is new-to-me, and is based in Marin. They deliver to Marin and San Francisco, and focus on nourishing, delicious food. They use pastured/grass fed meats, eggs, and dairy, and focus on local produce. They use glass packaging whenever possible.

Charlotte's Birth Story

I had a really fantastic birth. I had a feeling it wouldn’t be terribly long, as my mom had quick labors (but of course there were no guarantees!), but it was super quick! Leave it to me to make the telling of it four pages long…

We went out to dinner on Sunday night (August 11th- the actual Estimate Due Date) at Pasta Moon in Half Moon Bay, in an attempt to get in another nice meal out while it was just the two of us, and I had my typical lasagna (full order so I could eat half and have the other half for lunch the next day), and got the cheesecake to go J At home, I had some of the cheesecake and we put something on the TV (I can’t remember what it was now). I started to feel crampy (like bad period cramps I had back in high school) around 10:00pm, maybe? I kept feeling like I had to sit on the toilet. It wasn’t fun, but wasn’t really labor, either. I kept getting up and sitting on the toilet with these waves of cramps. At around midnight, I sent James and Ruby to the guest room to sleep, and tried to get some rest when I felt less crampy. I had a thing about wanting to watch The Office during early labor, and so I put it on and dozed. I woke up with stronger “cramps,” and then listened to myself work through them and realized I was working through contractions, ha! As I lay there, I heard myself moaning and realized there was a start and stop to the moaning, and therefore to the sensations, and if I had heard a doula client making these noises, I would have thought things were really moving! I had told James that I would let him know when I had actual contractions, but I had no concept of frequency at this point, so I opened up the app on my phone and timed a few. It turned out that they were all over a minute long and about 2-4 mins apart, so I went to wake up James. At this point, it was just after 1:00am. I didn’t feel like I needed him to do anything, but was like, hmm, this is a super active labor pattern. James reminded me that Michelle (our midwife) wanted us to call when I had a pattern like this. Of course, I knew this, but it was so different to be in it myself. And it was such a short time of being at this pattern. So James called Michelle (at 1:18am) and put on speaker phone, and dutifully went to make the bed with the waterproof cover, and the sheets in the right order, as that was his job! I had gone to sit on the toilet again while I was talking to Michelle. I told her what my contractions were looking like, but I was worried I wasn’t far enough along yet for her to come since it was so little time. Then, with the next contraction, she heard me make a grunty (pushing) noise. She said, “I’m getting dressed and coming now. I’ll call Sue (the second licensed midwife), and she may get there before me since she’s closer.” I called my doula Nicole (1:20am), told her Michelle was on her way, and she said she’d come right away and would call the birth photographer, Kim, as well. I had a moment of sitting on the toilet thinking about how the heck I was going to get up, whether I would make it back to my bedroom (since I was in the main bathroom, not the master). My next contraction came and I felt a LOT of pressure. I had a tiny moment of panic, but then I felt a huge downward gush! What a crazy feeling to feel my waters release (and I was so glad I was still on the toilet!). For some reason, I had the thought to look at my phone for the time (which I usually do as a doula), and it was 1:24am. I texted Michelle: “water broke.” She called back and calmly asked me to reach a finger to feel inside to feel how close the baby’s head was, and luckily, I couldn’t feel it at all, even way up there, so I knew I likely had some time, thank goodness 😊 Still in a very calm voice, Michelle asked if I was still on the toilet, and if I thought I might want to get into a less gravity-positive position, haha!

James was just finishing with the sheets, and I called him in to the bathroom to help me make my way to the bedroom. I got to my bed on all fours and was bearing down involuntarily with contractions. We put towels under me. I don’t remember when the heck I had taken off all my clothes, but I guess I got hot! Nicole arrived, and I asked for my butt to be covered with a towel (even though I knew it was a little bit silly and nobody there cared, but I did for some reason). Nicole asked if she could peek during contractions, and I told her she could. She could see a little bit of baby’s head with pushes (but went back in in between). She had James call Michelle, and we were on speaker again. At some point, I had become very loudly vocal, yelling with each surge that brought involuntary pushing. In between surges, I heard Michelle saying that she and Sue were both on their way, and that they would probably get there before baby, but that she felt the duty to offer to call Emergency Medical Services. Did I want that? No!! While I wasn’t looking to have an unassisted birth, I knew everyone was on their way, and I was pretty sure that baby wasn’t busting out quite so soon. Timing is all a little blurry to me, but Sue soon arrived, which was reassuring (probably to Nicole and James, too). It became clear that baby wasn’t rushing, and I really just went with what my body was doing (what choice did I have anyway? Just ride the waves).

Michelle arrived a few minutes later, which was another relief. Kim, our photographer, arrived at some point and got to work right away. I hadn’t seen Kate (Michelle’s apprentice) arrive, but I heard her voice giving reassuring guidance from behind me, and I felt a wave of safety and comfort. Everyone who was meant to be there had arrived!

I felt like my legs weren’t very steady underneath me anymore, and I decided to turn to my side. I started to realize this baby wasn’t flying out, and I really was going to have to push hard, ha. I was reaching up to the headboard and pulling for leverage with one hand, and roaring during each push. At some point, my midwife mentioned that I would probably have a sore throat the next day, but it was OK to make noise. I felt like I didn’t have a choice- it was just what my body needed to do. I knew I was really loud, but I felt like I couldn’t help it (and yes, my throat was sore the next day). Thinking back, this was one of the many reasons I was glad I wasn’t at the hospital. I know they would have told me to hold my breath during pushes, and to put the energy behind the pushes. That would have pissed me off, and I would have felt like I was doing it wrong. My team encouraged me, gently cheering me on, while also letting me know it was OK to push harder. While laying there in between pushes, almost on my back (completely of my own doing), I apologized to everyone that this was taking so long. They appropriately chuckled, as this was clearly a fast labor and a totally acceptable second stage. I went on like this, partly on my side/partly on my back, with my doula holding my leg for support. I had a thought about ending up on my back, and how I didn’t picture this at all. It didn’t feel empowering, even though I was the one who put myself there- nobody even suggested it, and everyone was supporting me in following my body.

As if she could read my mind, Michelle said gently, “you’re doing great and making progress here, and if you’re comfortable, you can keep going here. Are you interested in getting into a more upright position?” I had a moment of clarity in thinking about checking in with clients about changing positions during pushing. I felt like I wanted to change, but couldn’t possibly think of what position to go to, or how I would get there. Michelle suggested standing next to the bed. My team helped me get there. During each push, I would squat down a bit, opening as much as I could, knees pushing against the side of the bed, and pulling on the sheets of the bed. I felt more and more of the baby’s head, stretching me more each time. It was hard to know how much to push to make progress while holding back a bit to try not to tear (if that’s even a thing). I got great encouragement and support from Michelle and Kate. They also provided great physical support to my perineum as baby’s head emerged more and more, which I was so grateful for. As I pulled on the sheets, they came off the corner of the bed and stopped providing resistance. I knew I NEEDED to pull to push. I told the room that there was a rebozo on the chair in the livingroom, and I needed it. I relied on the others to figure out how to give me resistance. Sue stepped up and put it around her body, and stood at the opposite side of the bed, as I had done numerous times for my clients. And as my clients had been concerned, I asked if she was sure. She was. It was just what I needed. I pulled HARD. I think I surprised her a little, but she was so steady for me. (As a side note, the first birth I ever attended as a doula was a home birth with a really similar story, down to pulling on the sheets and the sheets coming down the bed, and me as the doula providing the resistance needed to pull to push. I just love that full circle moment.

The stretching was amazing. With each push, I had little thoughts of doubt, of concern about stretching so much and was this really happening? Was I really going to meet my baby soon? Luckily, the physical sensation that was happening to me was so overwhelming, there was only one thing I could do- keep going. I eventually felt the biggest stretch, and baby’s head was out. And that contraction was over. So I was standing there, with baby’s head out. What a crazy feeling and concept. This baby was between two worlds. I have no concept of how long it was until the next contraction. But the next one came, and I knew baby would be out. Kate and Michelle were behind/below me, and James was next to me, ready to help catch if he could. After the shoulders, baby slid out (as they do). I didn’t know what all went on at the time, but now I know that Kate caught our baby, and Michelle helped keep baby’s arms from flailing to help keep me from tearing. Sue quietly announced that baby had been born at 3:29 and 12 seconds! Very precise. James helped bring baby through my legs and up to my arms. I had asked my team to let me discover on my own the sex of the baby. I held baby in my arms against my belly and realized I couldn’t pull any more. I believe I said aloud, “oh. Short cord.” Michelle instructed James to help me put baby on the bed so I could climb up and meet this little one. As I climbed up, I got to see my little one for the first time. The first thing I said to her was, “everyone was wrong! You’re a girl!” I laid down on the bed and looked at her, touched her. James and I kissed. It was so crazy and so normal that she was here. It’s all a little bit of a blur, the next little bit. We touched our baby, discovered her, held her, kissed her. I don’t remember the order of things, but Michelle told me there was some bleeding, and I told her that if she needed to give Pitocin it was fine. She said she didn’t think we needed to do that yet. I can’t even remember what we actually did. And then, of course, the placenta had to come out. When it was ready, Kate gently pulled it out. Michelle told me that I officially was no longer pregnant. I wasn’t paying attention, but they wrapped it and put it in a zip-top bag, and we got to reposition on the bed in a more comfortable way. The bleeding wasn’t an issue anymore, and we didn’t have to do Pitocin. Once we were settled, our birth team joined our dog Ruby in the living room, giving us space, cooking up some food, and working on charting. Ruby had patiently waited in the living room, calm as can be. Anyone who has met this dog would be surprised by this. But she just rolled with it. James and I held our girl, and marveled at what had just happened and what was. It was a sweet and special time. And time itself was a blur. Our wonderful team brought us fresh fruit, scrambled eggs, and buttered toast. It was delicious! I felt so taken care of. After we had some bonding time, Nicole came in to check on us, and to chat a bit about feeding. We shared with her that our baby was Charlotte Elizabeth, and she loved it. She did as I had done so many times before, and asked if there was anything else she could do for us. I was so appreciative of her support, and told her to please go home to her own baby girl (and big boys)! A bit later, when we were ready, Michelle examined me and gave me the fantastic news that I had no tearing at all! James held Charlotte while I got up to pee, using the peri bottle for the first (and basically last) time. I got myself a fancy adult diaper, and got back into bed. Kate administered the newborn exam, and Charlotte was wonderful. The only slight issue was that, as Nicole had suspected, Michelle said that it looked like Charlotte had a classic tongue tie, and it would probably be a good idea to get it checked and likely revised.

At some point, Sue left, as did Kim. Eventually, Kate and Michelle headed out as well, and we made plans for them to come the following day. Then there were three. We were a new little family. We debated when to call our parents, and James sent his email to work saying actually, he wouldn’t be coming in that day, and he’d see them in a month. We made plans for James to take Ruby to Happy Tails so we could figure out our new life without a nutty dog underfoot for the first week. The sun was coming up, ending our awesome birth journey, and beginning our exciting new one.

Around 10:00pm: cramping

12:45am: realized cramps had become distinct contractions.

12:54am: timed first contraction

1:08am: realized they were more than a minute long, around three minutes apart

1:18am: called Michelle

1:20am: called Nicole

1:24am: SROM

3:29am: Charlotte born

All photos by Kimberly Kamine, Campbell Kamine Photography

To My Mama...

To my mama…

Who was raised by a strong single mama.

Who got her first job as a teenager and worked consistently and worked hard her whole life.

Who birthed me, her first baby, in six hours and without medication.

Who nursed me and pumped milk for me when she had to go back to work just eight weeks after I was born.

Who birthed my brother in four hours.

Who had two children in under two years.

Who lost her husband (our father) when she was 29 and both of her children were under four.

Who worked her butt off to provide for us.

Who then met the love of her life, who happens to be female.

Who raised two children with a female partner in a time when it was less accepted.

Who held me when I cried when I was little.

Who taught me to eat on my own, use the toilet, ride a bike, wash dishes, do laundry, cook, and clean (these skills have come in handy).

Who came to each silly show I was in (wrong dance moves, bad singing, and all).

Who watched as her mom had to stop her nursing career because of her symptoms from multiple sclerosis.

Who dealt with me through those teenage years- yikes!

Who proudly attended each graduation.

Who drove me to college.

Who lost her own tough-as-nails mama to cancer.

Who watched me move away.

Who celebrated my successes.

Who held me again when I came back to her as an adult and cried.

Who was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis and had to stop working.

Who listens to me complain.

Who is patient with me, even when I’m not able to visit her because I’m waiting on another woman to become a mama.

Who talks with me about birth and parenting.

Who loves me.

To my mama…thank you. Love you.

The Story of Ben's Birth

In November of 2013, I had the privilege to support my dear friend Sarah during the labor and birth of her second child, her amazing son Ben. It was early on in my career as a birth doula, and I learned so much- about the process of birth, about supporting a woman and her partner, and about what it means to have a positive birth experience. Sarah and Ben hold a very special place in my heart, and a special place on my website :) Here is the story of Ben's birth, as written by Sarah soon after he was born. Happy second birthday, Ben!

Lauren and Ben (3 days old)

Lauren and Ben (20 months)

"As a person who craves order and predictability, the unknowns of childbirth are hard to take. I would never have imagined the birth stories of my children would turn out the way they did: #1 came from left field and was difficult to swallow, while #2 had to be fought for with dug-in heels.

My daughter Lyla was born in November 2010 after an uneventful and easy pregnancy. I did my research and knew I wanted to have a natural birth with as little intervention as possible. The women in my family are all natural birth rockstars, and I also knew it was the best choice for the health of my baby. Alas, this scenario was not to be. Two days past my due date I became anxious about her movements. I entered the hospital for a non stress test and stayed there; I was not in labor but Lyla’s heart rate was dropping with minor Braxton Hicks contractions. Decels continued throughout the night and morning during repeated attempts to start labor with pitocin and rupturing membranes. Finally, the dreaded C-section was advised and agreed to, as we feared for her safety. I was prepped for a C-section with epidural and other hospital junk when it became an emergency- Lyla’s heart rate fell dangerously low and stayed there for 3 minutes. I wasn’t aware of this at the time and thank goodness, or I would have been more scared than I was. The surgery went fine and I got to see her within an hour in the recovery room. She emerged in perfect condition and today, she is a feisty, hilarious, and beautiful 3-year-old.

I was disappointed that her birth turned out the way it did, but grateful for a healthy daughter. We were told I was a good candidate for a VBAC, and I knew right away that’s what I wanted; I never want to be in an operating room again!

~

In February 2013 I got pregnant again, and I knew we needed to prepare more for this birth if I really wanted to achieve a vaginal birth. Not everyone is supportive of VBACs including some of my loved ones, so I had to be very firm that it was what I wanted and not back down. I became almost militant about it, researching and thinking about it constantly. I even switched doctors mid-pregnancy because I didn’t feel mine was 100% supportive and I doubted her follow-through in the delivery room.

[Sidebar- no midwives near where I live except a few that only do homebirths; what’s up with that Peninsula Bay Area??!! ←- that being said, the doctor who delivered my son was absolutely amazing!]

We didn’t do much childbirth prep the first time around and it wasn’t easy to go to classes with our daughter at home. I have a cousin who teaches Bradley Method in Virginia and she agreed to help us study remotely. Ray and I spent many hours pouring over exercises and scenarios, and it did bring up some conflict between us over my strong stance on the subject. I’d never endanger myself or my baby, but I wasn’t going to give in to changing our plans so easily or blindly follow doctors’ orders. I was bullheaded in my determination not to be manipulated out of a vaginal birth. We butted heads a bit over hiring a doula but in the end we hired my friend Lauren who was an apprentice doula at the time, and we are both very glad we did.

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One of our greatest unknowns was whether or not my body would go into labor on its own. It didn’t the first time around and this would be key to a vaginal birth.

4 days before my due date I woke up in the middle of the night with contractions that were painful enough to keep me from falling back to sleep. I texted with Lauren over the next few hours and into the morning. She came over at midday and we walked Lyla to the park 3 blocks from our house. There I started needing to squat and breathe with each contraction. They were still varying in length and consistency a little bit but it was clear things were starting! After the park Lauren went home and I put a movie on for Lyla and went into my room to sit on the birth ball and rest.

A very short time later I felt this strong thunck inside me that was very surprising. After a beat, I sent Ray an IM on Google Chat- ‘um I think come home’.... ‘something just moved’.... ‘or my water just broke.’

I stood up from the ball and felt the water run down my legs.

Ray phoned his parents who were coming to take care of Lyla and came home immediately; Lauren arrived again a short time after. Once Lyla was taken care of and we got to the hospital (painful ride!) we were admitted and a bunch of junk I didn’t want was administered- IV and monitors. I hated the monitors and really didn’t want them, but they were non-negotiable terms for having the VBAC. We were in a room right next to the OR too, just in case. Once the IV and monitors were attached, they did bother me less. I was disappointed to learn I was only 4 cm and 70% effaced. I had hoped with the pain I was in and my water being broken I would be farther along. I knew any length of time could make the hospital staff nervous and antsy to intervene. It didn’t help that it was about 7:30pm and I’d been awake pretty much since 1:30am. I continued to labor and quickly the pain got A LOT worse. I consider my pain threshold to be pretty high but I couldn’t handle it. Keep in mind, I hadn’t experienced ANY of this the first time, so it was like I was a first time mom.

After a particularly searing contraction I asked for an epidural. Lauren suggested we try a new position sitting in the shower, before making that decision. After an eternity of setting up the shower and transferring all the wires and monitors, we were in there about 40 minutes before I asked for the epidural again. I was just so tired from lack of sleep and the pain, I just wanted some rest. I felt like a failure, like I was throwing away everything I had worked for. Still, my goal this time around was a vaginal birth, not a natural one, so I kept some hope. Right before getting the epidural, I was 5.5 cm dilated.

It felt so awesome to get that epidural, let me tell you. I was exhausted and to get that relief was bliss. Getting the shot was easy but the medication had to be adjusted twice and I had to be put on oxygen because of low blood pressure. I turned into a lovely fat puffy marshmallow from that oxygen! An hour later my doctor came in to check me again- and I was 9cm!!!!! Whaaa?? My feelings of failure and disappointment turned to joy and confidence. I had gotten far enough in labor that the epidural had sped things up instead of slowing them down.

I started pushing at 11:00pm, and I don’t know where I would have gotten the strength for what was ahead if I hadn’t had that bit of rest. At first I couldn’t feel the contractions but the epidural wore off quickly and boy did I feel them! My amazing OB never once mentioned the C-word. I kept asking if I was out of the woods and she would say “90% there, 95%, 96.5%.” The mood was light but once I could feel everything again, all I could do was space out and rest between each push. Finally, when a nurse removed my catheter and called the nursery, I knew we were home free!

At 12:22am, Ben was born. I will never forget the rush I felt when he came out. It seemed like it was taking forever and then his whole body emerged at once, and sunny side up! They put him right on my chest and I got to have him skin to skin immediately as I had hoped. The nurses helped to wipe him off right away, but he was there with me and I was pretty oblivious.

I can think of no greater high than what I felt at that moment. I had done it and I felt great. I did have a second degree tear but that was a pittance next to the c-section incision. I got up by myself to go to the bathroom within an hour and was able to get up and down to take care of Ben throughout the night and into the morning. I was amazed at how I felt, at the difference between the c-section and the VBAC- chained to the bed for days, having to nurse in weird positions to avoid the surgery sight, versus being pretty normal almost immediately. This was SO important to me with my daughter at home. The adjustment of a little brother was going to be challenging enough without being handicapped on top of it!

I am extremely happy with how Ben’s birth unfolded and so grateful that I pushed for the VBAC and my body responded. I think many women decide against them too easily, because they are made to fear the risks and they just follow whatever the doctors say. Learning all that I did about c-sections and VBACs and advocating for us was a huge gift to myself and to my son."

Ben and Sarah, with Ray and Lyla in the background. Photo by Lauren Noble.